Well, it’s been a long
time my friends. I haven’t done this for a while. But once again I’ve been
inspired to write it all down and then just let it go. You can thank author
Jeff Goins for this one. You’ll have to bear with me too while I get back into
the swing of things.
At the moment I’m on a
bus driving from Rotorua to Auckland in New Zealand for New Years. And boy has
it been a whirlwind this morning. We woke up and it was pissing it down.
Fan-bloody-tastic. Can you imagine? We’re in the middle of nowhere. Needing to
check out at ten. The bus that will take us to the city centre will be another
half an hour, which isn’t much if you have shelter, or it isn’t raining. But we
don’t and it is and our bags are stupidly large. Oh yeah, and I fell down the
stairs. So my back and arms are hurting, we’re standing in the rain with our
wannabe waterproof coats, waiting, knowing that even when we do finally get to
the city, we’re still going to have to wait another hour and a half until our
coach gets here. Oh yeah, and we already both started crying down the phone to
our mother, but more on that later.
We’ve been in New Zealand
and away from home for three and a half months now. God has it flown too. We
were supposed to have about two more months left, until we decided to change
our flights about a month ago to get home earlier when we realised how little
money we had left to spend there. I was happy with this decision. We were ready
to come home and cutting our time short was going to be no huge deal.
But then it was
Christmas, and a place we thought we had paid for before we left England,
needed to be paid. A hundred pounds lost. And we wanted to celebrate, so we
went to Hobbiton – which was amazing, for the record – that’s another hundred
pounds between us. And Jesus Christ is that all we have left, even after money
for Christmas? Holy shit, are you kidding me? We’re going to have to cut it
even shorter.
This wouldn’t have upset
me overly much if my travelling companion, aka, my sister, hadn’t pretty much
gone behind my back and made the decision without the slightest bit of
communication. Hell, I didn’t even know what it was that was bothering her
until she started crying down the phone to our mum because she shouted at me
for reading the Facebook message she’d sent. Having said that. I do understand
her upset and worry. Hell I feel it myself. I just feel sad that she didn’t
think to speak to me about it.
Being out here has also
made me feel incredibly lonely. Hiding behind a mask of bitterness and disgust
is easier when you have a friend that does it too. And I miss my bitter best
friend. I haven’t spoken to her for months. What with her being at Uni, and the
time difference. I don’t want her to forget about me. But I feel like it’s
slightly inevitable. I’m not a particularly memorable person. I just feel
incredibly sad without her around to remind me that it’s okay to be myself.
With just Lauren for company, sometimes I have to be more careful than I would
be elsewhere. I forget most of the time, hence we’ve had a plethora of
arguments about god knows what.
I guess the worst part
about it is, is that it’s all just a possibility. Not only that, but I feel…
disappointed. Almost like I’ve failed. I was okay the first time. But now I’m
dissatisfied with the whole situation. I feel like I haven’t given this country
the exploration it deserved. I haven’t hiked. We couldn’t afford to rent a car
so we haven’t been able to stop at look out points or go on quick walks down to
a secluded beach. I feel like I’ve let New Zealand down by not giving it the
chance it deserves. And the truth is, despite knowing that I don’t want to live
here, partially because I’m not ready to consider leaving England for good, and
partially because I think living here would spoil the fantasy of the place,
would take away the ‘wow’ factor of those mountains.
I know that America is
easier to get to as well, which was why I was prepared to cut our time short
there. But not to the point where we’re rushing from place to place in order to
see anything, catch flights and otherwise. Maybe we won’t even stay there at
all anymore. It’s a huge shame, and I’m really sad about it, but, I’m ready to
go home. As much as I wish we could stay there, it’s just unrealistic. I’ve
already decided that I’m going to book a trip to San Francisco as soon as
possible. As soon as I can afford it. Then New Orleans. Then Lauren will
probably want to go to Germany, Ireland, Scotland and before you know it, my best
friend will have left Uni and will be planning some travelling of her own.
Possibly. Maybe I’ll join her somewhere for a little. But then… What about
College. My dad wants me to go back and study Business, but I can work around
that right? Of course I can, and it won’t kill me to miss a lesson or two will
it? A long weekend here and there won’t do any harm.
I’m determined.
This trip has not gone to planned, I feel disappointed and sad and let down. But I feel exhilarated as well. And excited. I know now. I know what to expect, I know how to plan and what to plan for. I’m experienced now. And I’ve caught the bug.
I’m ready to experience the world. And I’m prepared for it.
